A lot has gone on the last couple of weeks at the Ebert household... I finally had a chance to lay my head down and rest this afternoon for a couple of hours (thanks Oma and Opa). I know most of you look at my blog for pictures and not to listen to my ridiculous rambling... but today, you're going to have to scroll thru the rambling before I post any pictures.
Growing up, I always had (and still do) and extremely close bond with my Grandma and my Aunt. They together with my mom ran a bridal store when I was young. I remember running around the store, trying on flower girl dresses and spending lots of time with my them and my cousins. I knew when David and Susan (John's parents) wanted to move up here it would be a great thing. I was excited that Kason was going to have grandparents that are close. Being that I have such a special relationship with my grandmother, naturally, I wanted Kason to have that with his grandparents. To double the excitement, John's sister was pregnant with me and I couldn't have been more elated for the babies to be close in age and run around together.
I probably should have gotten an okay to post this from Amanda before I did, but I'm pretty sure she'd be okay with it. As many of you know, John's sister had her second miscarriage June 2. She lost her first baby at 13 weeks (I was about 20 weeks along); and sweet baby Eathan went to be with the lord at 24 weeks gestation. To say the least it has been a roller-coaster of emotion over the last week. I will speak for myself though in that I have had a lot of closure and realization that God is with me, and us as a family every step of the way. As I was pondering this morning, I remembered the verse I put on Kason's birth announcement, Psalm 139: 13-18:
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
I was most struck by the part of the verse that says: You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
For Eathan, God was with him every step of the way. While Eathan's earthly life was only about 160 days, his heavenly life is eternal. I can't think of a more perfect place to be. While I thought longer, I thought of the time Eathan had here on earth, and truly how perfect it was. He got to be right next to his mom the entire time, knowing how much she loved him and hearing her heart beat for him every second of the day. That however, doesn't ease the pain that we feel as we got through this time, but for me it comforts me in knowing that he truly had a blessed earthly life, and is living eternally with our Lord. I look forward to the day that I can step up to heaven's gate, meet our father face to face and see my mom, angel baby, Eathan and other friends and family on the other side.
So, back to my original note about having family close: I thought this morning that our pastor's message was very fitting for the time that our family was going through. His message was on "How to be a great friend" out of Proverbs 12. He touched on the importance of being "friendly" to everyone but selectively choosing a group of friends that you really can rely. These friends do more than just make you feel good and be nice to you. They hold you accountable and make you a better person. They experience emotions with you and walk by you side by side through the good times and the rough times. I'm so grateful that the lord has blessed me with my husband, who is hands down my best friend. Talk about an accountability partner, I think we keep each other in line and we certainly take each emotional journey hand in hand with one another. However, beyond that, it just brought to light how thankful I am for some of my other best friends, like his sister, Amanda; several of my girlfriends from church, college and highshchool. I am extremely grateful to have "a few good friends" that I know I can call on, talk to, and laugh with.
So, finally, I want to leave you with this. In sunday school today we talked about the three types of love. For me, the one I always remember is "agape" love, which is unconditional love. I guess this comes to mind first because this is the love that God our father shows us. There are no conditions on it, no matter how many times we falter he's there to pick us up, forgive us for our transgressions and love us... unconditionally. I think we as human's put lots of conditions on our love. We choose to fall out of love with someone because of x, y or z... we forget though, that we are called to have an agape love, especially for our spouses. For those of you married, be thankful for you spouse and love them to pieces. The other two types of love are "Eros" which is what our american culture focuses most on... this is the intimate love; and then there is the "Philos" love which is brotherly love, or in my language our friendship love. Our marriages truly take all three, I think most people would agree that if you see your marriage faltering it's probably because you are lacking expressing your love in one or more of these ways. It's unfortunate that our american culture only focuses on the "Eros" love. I think in today's society so many couples get together (or married) based on the intimacy and forget that they have to love each other as friends and know how to be friends and also, not put conditions on their love... such as "I'll marry (or love) you if... you buy me a big fat diamond ring, or a pretty house, or make lots of money... etc." Often this is fleeting and when you fall on rocky times you will struggle.
So in closing, for our four year anniversary, thank you John. Thank you for loving me unconditionally and being my best friend. I truly am so thankful for such a wonderful husband and I am looking forward to many more wonderful years together. Additionally, thank you to all my friends and family who have loved me despite my ways and have been there with me through it all... I love you all... unconditionally.
So, finally, I want to leave you with this. In sunday school today we talked about the three types of love. For me, the one I always remember is "agape" love, which is unconditional love. I guess this comes to mind first because this is the love that God our father shows us. There are no conditions on it, no matter how many times we falter he's there to pick us up, forgive us for our transgressions and love us... unconditionally. I think we as human's put lots of conditions on our love. We choose to fall out of love with someone because of x, y or z... we forget though, that we are called to have an agape love, especially for our spouses. For those of you married, be thankful for you spouse and love them to pieces. The other two types of love are "Eros" which is what our american culture focuses most on... this is the intimate love; and then there is the "Philos" love which is brotherly love, or in my language our friendship love. Our marriages truly take all three, I think most people would agree that if you see your marriage faltering it's probably because you are lacking expressing your love in one or more of these ways. It's unfortunate that our american culture only focuses on the "Eros" love. I think in today's society so many couples get together (or married) based on the intimacy and forget that they have to love each other as friends and know how to be friends and also, not put conditions on their love... such as "I'll marry (or love) you if... you buy me a big fat diamond ring, or a pretty house, or make lots of money... etc." Often this is fleeting and when you fall on rocky times you will struggle.
So in closing, for our four year anniversary, thank you John. Thank you for loving me unconditionally and being my best friend. I truly am so thankful for such a wonderful husband and I am looking forward to many more wonderful years together. Additionally, thank you to all my friends and family who have loved me despite my ways and have been there with me through it all... I love you all... unconditionally.
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| George Kason, 13 weeks |
